Highlight of my Life

Yes. I DIDN'T PASS THE NURSING BOARD EXAM.

Its frustrating and depressing.

And now i'm near suicidal stage.

This is all for now.

Btw, Happy Birthday Serjo, and thank you Bestee (Gracen) and Brandon for the company.

I AM STILL A PROUD FILIPINA.

Razors pain you, rivers are damp. Acid stains you, drugs causes cramps. Guns aren't lawful, nooses give. gas smells awful, you might as well live. --Lisa; Angelina Jolie (Girl-Uninterrupted)

The hostage drama in Qurino Grandstand is indeed heartbreaking. And I know that the mistake done by the hostage taker (A Filipino) will be taken against us, Filpinos. But come to think of it, we're not the only country who had Hostage dramas. We're not the only country that had suffered such incident.

Me and my fellow Filipinos are indeed mourning for what happened. I personally don't take anything against to anyone. I have a video here of the Reenactment of the hostage crisis. This one's an anime version in which I really felt sad for everyone inside the bus and even felt pity for the hostage taker.

Everyone makes mistakes. And I also know for a fact that it's hard for someone who lost almost everything to forgive but in time, I know the Chinese will.

Everyone in the Philippines' are very sorry and mourning for it is everyone's loss. :(

Step back to reality

There are just some things in life that you'll never forget. Well, it could be anything for that matter. But for me, there's just this one thing i'll never forget and that I really miss.

My best friend/Ex

Rameses Daniel Morales II

I know. This shouldn't be 'coz we have our own lives now. I have my boyfriend and he has her girlfriend. But that's not the point. What I miss now is the friendship. The pillars of what we had before. The foundation of everything I have now.

He's my first boyfriend. And I must admit, I was way too immature that time. We were. but then, we managed t love each other for a month. Yes. Just a month because I got scared with my parents so I broke up with him. And things happened lke suicidal attempts that I don't even know if it was real. But it felt real.

Moving on, we had our own lives. I haven't heard of him for like a year then I knew he was dating few girls. I was happy for him, I still am. And I know that everything that he had faced made him strong especially in his status.

This is really awkward. I mean, to post something about him after, like 4 years of not caring for each other like we did.

I just miss the friendship that we had.

We used to care for each other like other friends' do.

I know that this isn't the right time for this. For feeling this. But I can't stop myself from missing you. This feeling had been with me for the whole week now and it's not healthy.

Anyway, I miss you Ram.

I miss you Pharell Collin's of my life.

See you soon.

YES IM SO BACK! =))))))

Yes. And I have a GOOD and a BAD news.

BAD NEWS.

1. It was confirmed a while ago that my Dad has a Diabetes. He told the Nephrologist that he was diagnosed to have it last year (And yet, I didn't know! ANG LOSER KO. K.Tnx) and was advised by a Doctor from the other clinic about the medicines and everything. Then when we reached the Nephro a while ago, 60% of his kidney was working properly (Imagine, 60%?? E papanu pa yung akin?) Anyhoo, we got over that but then he has to take care of that 60%. And I'm planning to do the same diet that he has to go through. :) HEALTHY LIVING AKO E. =)))))))))

2. Tita Cathy will be celebrating her birthday on Sunday at Market Market. Why is this a bad news? 'coz of the thingy in my facebook. Its too much to talk about but its like a BIG ISSUE ALREADY. eeer. Nakakainis. Anyway, what can I do? :l

3. BOARD EXAM RESULTS ARE UP NEXT WEEK. ISN'T THIS THE BAD-EST OF ALL???? ARGH! BAHALA NAAAA! =(

GOOD NEWS.

1. I have confirmed that I could use my credit card na ulit! YES YES YES!!!! =)))))))))) Yun nga lang I have to find a good job so I could pay everything that I would spend using the golden card. HAHAHA

2. I saw a poster outside F&H sa Megamall and they are on a search for aspiring models. LOL! =))))))))))) I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING AND I GUESS THAT'S WHAT I AM THINKING TOO! =)))))))))

3. Imma find job na ulits. I just don't know when and where but soon, I will have a new job sweetie. :)

4. I saw this uberly cute jacket in FB and they're selling it for P1,500. OMG diba? Imma find one na lang sa 168! HAHAHA

5. I wanna have a hair like this.And i'm planning to have one soon! papagandahin ko muna buhok ko! =)))))

6. GUSTO KO NG PUMAYAT! ganito ka payat lang naman. =) K.THANKS.BAI =))))))))))

INSOLUBLE.

“The greatest and most important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown.”

—

Carl Jung

Days at Work

Okay. I Gave up. I had issues with the compensation, my body clock and the things i've spent.

I know. I just wasted my time for not finishing it. Everything was actually smoothly sailing but not until the people whom I don't talk to that much and the people whom i'm not that close with, suddenly spoke up. It's a weird and funny feeling. Their mean-ness was just one heck of a thing I would never stand. That one time where in as if I froze to death even if it was really hot. That one time wherein it's like I wanna scream to their faces the things I wanna say but then I rather won't. I'm not lowering my standards. I'm and adept person so no need.

Anyhoo, I'm done with it. Thanks for the things you've taught me. I will never forget anything of it.

I love you Mommy.

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!


I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, reblog.

Certainty.

cer·tain·ty [sur-tn-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the state of being certain.

2. something certain; an assured fact.

(courtesy of an online dictionary)

I only have three points for this.

First. The fight me and Vj went through the past few days made me certain that I want him. I need him and that I love him. I know lot's of girls who has their boyfriends say it for like one million times to different people already and take them back the time they both had a fight or even broke up. For my case, I never fell out of love. I never cursed him. Yes, i've been through the pains, the odds, the sacrifices an still I need to learn a lot. But one thing's for sure, I am very certain that I love him, and that i'll never let him go. :)

Second, The company that i'm gonna work with staring Monday, called me a while ago and confirmed my attendance. I know, it's all kinda fast. Everything's still blurry for me. What I will be doing, how will I speak, the friend's i'll be making... Everything. But still, I think i'm pretty much certain for this work. Especially that it's only for 6months. I'll try hard to make everything right. HAHA

Third, to stand up for cancer. I know this is pretty weird. I mean, it's not everyday when a simple woman like me stands up for something I don't even know that much. Yes, it's all over the news, the broad sheets and the internet (that most of my age are into now-a-days) but then, people which doesn't have any of their loved ones been hurt or affected by it. Well, I have. Kuya Tisay. She's an adopted daughter of Nanang and it's just last year when she died of endometrial cancer. I can still remember, the way she cried because she still doesn't want to die. Whoever wants to die of a young age right? But then, I felt the sympathy for her.

This awareness video I saw in Saab Magalona's blog made me say that I'm really certain to stand up AGAINST cancer.

IT HURTS.

I just had two of my third molars extracted yesterday. Gawsh. I never thought that it would be this hassle and that it would hurt this much. Eer. :(

PLEASE BE A LITTLE NEAR.

I MISS YOU VICTOR JOSEPH HERNANDEZ RAMOS.

BUMALIK KA NA DITO SA MANILA PLEASE? I'M MORE AT EASE WHEN I KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEAR ME.

OKAY? :(

You're Irreplaceable

As I was walking from MRT a while ago and was texting VJ, we had this conversation:

ANDI: Kamusta na ang Lola?

VJ: Masama na...

Her lola is currently in the ICU because of Typhoid Fever that she acquired. And due to aging, her body defense is already weak. As I was thinking and being worried about it, suddenly, I thought of Tito Rey. Ate Mandz' father.

We weren't really that close, plush he's not my godfather. But we always spend Christmas and New Year in their house since my Dad and Him are best friends (and cousins). Us (Me and my sisters) are very special for him and his family. They always give us food, gifts, plenty of gifts I mean, and asks us to go out of town or just to swim in their village's pool. Trick or Treat, Christmas, New Year, Ate Mandz' Birthday and even her graduation and Ballet recitals were just few of the occasions that me and my family always attend to. So it was a great shock when he died.

As I have said, we weren't that close. Me and Tito Rey, but I always admire him for his patience, perseverance and kind attitude. Him and his family always thinks of us. Of what school we should be into, what work and just everything. And at that very moment (and even now) I really feel that I miss him. And everytime I think about it, its like I wanna cry. Remembering how my Dad cried (knowing that He never cried for anyone else, even in his parent's death), Ate Mandz' how she really wanted to hug his dad for the last time, Nanang (his mother) how she grieved for his only son and Tita Mila, how she pretended to be very strong for her daughter and for Nanang. Now I really know why he was my dad's best friend.

I just don't understand why God let that happen to him. He was so kind to everyone and not everyone could be like that. I mean, he's even shy to open up things about his daughter and her career because he knows that his daughter would be hurt. He was so patient of us and of my dad.

He was just irreplaceable. His attitude was so irreplaceable for me.

Open Letter to my Uncle

Tito Rey,

I know you're with God already together with Mama Nats and Papa... I don't know why but suddenly, I missed you. Everything has already changed here. I already graduated and Yiel is really tall already. Our Garage is now in Cubao and Nanang is really sad. I know that up to know, she's still grieving and very much hurt. As well as Tita Mila, who up to now, pretends to be very strong. My dad misses you too. As well as your very nice god daughter, Ate Margz. Have fun there and continue to guide us here. You'll always be irreplaceable for me. And I really admire you. Thank You for everything and for the replay shorts that you gave me. Thank You for everything.

Love,

Melissa

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING TITO REY. YOU'RE ALWAYS REMEMBERED.

P.S. May kurot talaga sa puso ko ito. :'(